


i’ve been sleeping so long in a twenty year dark night (now i’m wide awake), and now i see daylight

by L13



Series: this was the very first page, not where the story line ends [2]
Category: Station 19 (TV)
Genre: F/F, One-Shot, you don't have to read part 1
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:14:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24523666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/L13/pseuds/L13
Summary: (i wounded the good and i trusted the wicked, clearing the air, i breathed in the smoke)Their relationship was now on steadier ground. It’s just… Maya wasn’t sure if that was really true.
Relationships: Maya Bishop/Carina DeLuca
Series: this was the very first page, not where the story line ends [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1772248
Comments: 14
Kudos: 143





	i’ve been sleeping so long in a twenty year dark night (now i’m wide awake), and now i see daylight

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Pride Month! I apologise if any of the Italian is wrong.
> 
> Title from Daylight by Taylor Swift.

It had been two months since that nerve-wracking day where Carina had forgiven Maya and taken her back. Both women were cautious around each other at first but their relationship was now on steadier ground. It’s just… Maya wasn’t sure if that was really true.

They would have dinner together whenever their schedules lined up. The rest of their evenings were spent laughing and talking about their day, or lost in each other’s kisses while a movie played in the background. Days where they couldn’t physically be together were filled with messages and video calls.

Maya had also reached out to her mother. She initially skirted around the topic of her father, finding it difficult still to dig through the rubble. But one long, tearful conversation later, she had a better understanding of her past as her future held her tightly and ran her fingers soothingly through her hair.

One month into their reconciliation, Maya invited Carina to dinner with her mother. Carina had declined though, explaining that she didn’t want to intrude.

* * *

_“But I’m the one asking you,” Maya pointed out._

_Carina smiled adoringly and that may have contributed to the sudden increased beating of Maya’s heart. “You don’t need me there. It’ll be okay.”_

_“I_ want _you there,” she insisted. “Not as a buffer, just as my girlfriend.”_

* * *

She abandoned any further attempts to change her mind after Carina promised instead to visit her for lunch the next day.

* * *

_A familiar sound drew Maya’s attention from her paperwork to her phone. She tried to stifle her rising disappointment at the possibility of Carina having to cancel their lunch date. Her girlfriend couldn’t control when her patients needed her. It was understandable. It… was Andy letting her know Carina had arrived._

_She shot up from her chair and rushed out of her office, neither trying nor able to hide the grin on her face. Shock washed over her at the sight of Carina talking with Jack and her footsteps almost faltered to a complete stop._

_Jack was the first to notice her slow approach. “I’ll leave you guys to it,” he said, nodding awkwardly at Maya. “Have a good lunch!”_

_Maya turned towards Carina, instantly reaching for her free hand and threading their fingers together. “Hey,” she said, sounding about as confident as she felt which was not at all._

_“Hi!” Carina replied with an amused smile. “He just wanted to say he was sorry.” She leaned in for a kiss—that was far too short, in Maya’s opinion—before lifting the hand that was holding a bag of food. “Your office?”_

* * *

Throughout their meal, Maya had looked for signs that might indicate her girlfriend was upset but there was no trace of resurfaced hurt or anger. They chatted lightly about patients and calls while Carina playfully stole food off of her plate and fed Maya from her own. If Maya had any lingering concerns, it was forgotten by the time of their goodbye kiss turned make out session.

That is, until last week.

* * *

_Balancing a tray of coffees in one hand, Maya walked through the halls of Grey Sloan Memorial in search of a certain OB/GYN. They had been on opposite schedules for the last three days and she just really wanted to see her girlfriend in person before heading to the firehouse. She turned a corner and spotted her by the nurses’ station._

_Carina’s face lit up when she saw Maya making her way towards her. “Hey, what are you doing here?” she asked happily._

_“I missed you.” Setting the tray down, she pulled the doctor in for a short yet deep kiss and then offered her one of the cups._

_“Oh, you are my favourite!” Carina gushed, immediately taking an appreciative sip._

_Maya dropped one hand to rest on Carina’s hip as she casually leaned against the station. “Are you talking to me or the coffee right now?”_

_“Well, I wouldn’t have the coffee without you.” Carina shifted closer to press another kiss against her lips. They both felt something settle inside them just from being in each other’s presence again. “Are you coming over tonight? I want to thank you for my surprise…”_

* * *

What followed was an emphatic “Yes,” a reluctant “I have to go” and ended with “ _Stare al sicuro l_ _à_ _fuori_ (stay safe out there)” whispered into a kiss. While her morning had gone as she’d hoped, the rest of Maya’s day was not as cooperative.

* * *

 _“Hey—” Carina’s greeting came to an abrupt halt as she took in her girlfriend’s appearance. “Are you okay? What happened?” She reached for Maya’s elbow and gently pulled her inside, closing the door behind them absentmindedly. Her eyes flitted between the bruise forming on the left side of Maya’s face, her eyes and the rest of her body. “_ Sei ferito altrove _(are you hurt anywhere else)?”_

_Maya placed her fingers under Carina’s chin and tilted her face upwards to meet her gaze. “I’m okay,” she reassured her softly. “We responded to a call for a fire at an apartment building. There was a guy there who had just gotten home and was trying to run inside to look for his wife. He hit Travis first and I caught the second but we managed to stop him. And save his wife.”_

_Leaning forward, Maya rested the uninjured side of her face against her girlfriend’s shoulder. They stayed in that position, letting the stress of the day drain out of Maya, until the timer in the kitchen went off._

_“Dinner smells amazing.”_

_“_ Grazie _. I made lasagne,” she replied distractedly, still focused on the bruise._

_“Come on.” Maya took her hand and led her into the kitchen. “How can I help?”_

_Carina went to turn off the oven. “You can sit down and enjoy some wine,” she told her. “But not if you’re on painkillers. Do you need painkillers?”_

_“I’m not and I don’t,” Maya laughed lightly, ignoring the twinge in her jaw caused by the action._

* * *

Maya had been pampered that night and part of her felt guilty for not having given Carina the same kind of treatment nearly as much as she would have liked. Things seemed to be going well for them but she couldn’t shake the feeling that something was different, or missing, from before and she was only now noticing.

And that brings Maya to earlier tonight.

The crew had decided to go out for drinks after work and Andy suggested inviting Carina, wanting to get to know her. Carina agreed although she had to finish up with a patient first and would be running late.

* * *

 _Maya saw several heads turn in her girlfriend’s direction as she walked by but Carina was only looking at her. The smile on her face grew uncontrollably and she could_ feel _the other firefighters’ knowing smirks. She stood up as Carina reached the table, kissing her and flipping off her team in response to their collective “Aww.”_

_Everyone had met the doctor at least in passing at the firehouse but watching her girlfriend be welcomed by them in this moment made a surge of gratitude rush through Maya. They soon broke off into smaller conversations and Andy took the opportunity to ask Carina about her work and growing up in Italy._

_Content to just listen, Maya slipped her hand under the one Carina had placed on her thigh and intertwined their fingers. She was mesmerised by her girlfriend’s exuberance as she discussed her research and favourite parts of Italy, making a mental note to try all of the food that was mentioned._

_Then she realised what it was that had changed._

* * *

“I had a really good time tonight.”

Maya finished locking the door and spun around to face her girlfriend. “Me too,” she grinned. “I’m glad you got to spend time with everyone.” Pressing Carina into the wall, she kissed her heatedly before pulling back slightly and sobering. “Can we talk for a bit?”

“Of course,” she replied, confusion flickering in her eyes.

They headed into the living room and as they sat down, Maya took Carina’s hand into her lap.

“From the moment we met, you have been so good to me. You’ve held me while I cried and supported and encouraged me. You’ve given me a second chance in more ways than one.” She paused, remembering how daunting yet freeing it had felt to ask Carina to go on vacation with her.

A gentle squeeze of her hand brought her back to the present.

“I can’t tell if you’re breaking up with me or proposing to me right now,” Carina joked but she was beginning to look concerned.

“I never want to lose you again,” Maya declared, soft and vulnerable. “And, uh, as for the other thing… It’s way too soon to think about that, right?” Marriage wasn’t something Maya had ever given any thought to; all she knows is she wants a future with the doctor in it.

Carina placed a reassuring kiss on her forehead. “ _Rilassarsi_ (relax), it is definitely too soon.”

“I’ve just noticed that, well, you didn’t say anything about how I got the bruise last week. I mean, you took really good care of me—you always do.” How ironic is it that Maya is now able to think and do and feel without any limitations but… “It just feels like you’ve been holding back.”

The hesitation coming from her girlfriend seemed to confirm she was on the right track.

“I know that you worry about my safety and not because you doubt my ability to do my job. It comes from a place of love.” Maya’s face suddenly turned stricken. “Are you worried that I might cheat on you again if we have an argument or I get upset?”

Carina’s free hand reached up to gently cup her cheek, brushing her thumb just shy of the fading yellow bruise. “I’ve… moved past you sleeping with Jack.” She was choosing her words carefully and Maya wanted to tell her she didn’t have to. “I just don’t want to push you like last time.”

“You were right to push me last time.”

“I don’t want to… _attraversare una linea_ … to cross a line.”

“You didn’t cross a line; _I did_ ,” Maya objected immediately. “Is this what you meant when you said you didn’t want to ‘intrude’ on dinner with my mom?” Her brain was scrambling to catch up to her emotions and she continued on before Carina could respond. “Your opinion matters to me. Please tell me you know that.”

There was a brief silence as she watched her girlfriend process her words. Then Carina nodded.

“I _do_ trust you and I want this to work. It _is_ working.”

Seeing the sincerity in her eyes, Maya realised that this was the moment she had been practicing in front of the mirror for. She took a shaky breath and spoke so quietly that if it weren’t for their proximity, Carina would not have heard her.

“ _Sono cos_ _ì_ _innamorato di te_ (I am so in love with you).”

The sheer happiness that was radiating from her girlfriend, the surprise but mostly pride in her eyes, and that delighted grin spreading across her face were the only things Maya ever wanted to look at.


End file.
